Happy Obamaween!
I heard this concept from a caller on the Dennis Miller radio show (I try to catch it on the way home every day — too bad I only get half an hour of it… but then, it’s not that I’d rather be in the car for a radio show than home with the kids and trophy wife…); and I liked it so much it’s now here in a bit more fleshed-out form.
HOW TO HAVE AN OBAMAWEEN NIGHT:
- Post a sign so that kids knocking at your door understand the rules. Just in case they might not understand the rules, let them know that it’s OK, you will inform them when they break a rule — though it might be just because the rules were changed without notice to suit the greater good.
- The sign should stand near the front door of your house, so that everyone can read the rules while they are waiting in line. There will be a line because no other houses on the street will be allowed to do business until you are done doing yours — anyone who doesn’t like it will be called names and accused of not being ‘inclusive’ enough.
- Near the sign will be a scale — the kind that someone can stand on so that everyone can see what that person weighs when they step up. There is no reason that anyone should need to be weighed without everyone else in line knowing whether the person on the scales should be classified this-that-or-another.
- When each child steps on the scales, their weight will be recorded, and after everyone in line takes a turn, the kids in the top 5% will turn in as much candy as you deem that the other 95% should get. At no time will you have to provide candy yourself, nor will any of the smaller children — because the heaviest kids will provide all that is needed.
- The following year, when the heaviest children no longer show up at your home, you will repeat the process with the heaviest children in line for that particular year providing all the candy for the other 95%. Repeat this process until no one shows up with anything to offer.
Congratulations! Though it may take four or five years for all the children to catch on (after all, most of them won’t be paying attention until it’s too late — hey, you’re giving them candy!), you will have taught all the children in the neighborhood what Socialism is. Doesn’t it make you feel wonderful to provide this educational experience to those who are so ignorant compared to you?
NOTE to the adults: for a big-people version of this lesson, we highly recommend the article, ‘How to pay for beer’.
Further reading: Happy Obamaween (MichelleMalkin.com)
